Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My #$@! Co-Workers IV:The Mudds

I completely forgot about these guys until a week ago, for some reason. I can't use their real name, so I'll call them the Mudds.

The Mudds were a family of two brothers and a dad (I'm assuming there was a mom in there somewhere, or the effort of cloning was wasted). They started running tournaments there to help fund their habit (where have we heard that before?). You know, I guess it isn't such a bad idea. You spend a lot of your spare time some place, why not get some compensation for it?

The dad was a fellow in his late 40s, early 50s. He had a handlebar mustache and out-dated glasses and hair. He wasn't such a bad guy, actually, and was probably the most tolerable out of all of them. He did have a weird opinion on his sons smoking, including one that was under 18 at the time, which was that he was fine with it. Yikes.

The oldest one was a year older than me but in the grade behind me. Then he dropped out. Weird how people assume all nerds/geeks are smart. There's probably a large percentage of unambitious, intellectually lazy fanboys out there. No, not probably. Definitely. He was kinda nerdy in high school, then moved on to being kinda scary. I think Bryan Ferry's Mom described him as looking like if Jesus was a pedophile. I feel like I'm going to Hell for typing that. He had long hair, a scraggly goatee and big glasses as well. And I think he wore a vampire cape once. I hope it was on Halloween.

The youngest was terribly awkward. He was tall and super skinny. I remember he came in once when he was in high school and he talked about Pokemon cards. He was in high school. He also had a bad habit of wearing t-shirts way bigger than he should have, with the collars all stretched out... it just looked trashy. Fashion tip: wearing a tee with a stretched out neck says that you stopped caring and you don't mind if you never show your genitals to anyone ever again.

I had some great moments with them. I used to always be late on Sundays (before pretty much being always late every day) and I would lock up shop at 5 on the dot. I used to just shut off the power and I remember Mudd the elder yelling "Oh, come on!" Now that I think about it, maybe he was secretly hip and knew about Arrested Development and GOB before anyone else.

Mudd the elder turned out to be a bit of a suspected thief as well. The owner found some discarded Magic: The Gathering wrappers and saw him quickly toss an empty box of cards in the trash when he came in once. Nice. They stopped coming in pretty much when they discovered Worlds of Warcraft and figured that playing with paper cards was for pussies, and playing with pixels was for big-dicked studs. Or something. Speaking of big-dicked studs, I guess Mudd the elder might like them as I overheard a couple of teenagers talk about how he had moved and was bisexual, and sure enough thanks to MySpace it has been confirmed. Man, if you ever didn't want a dude on you, or under you... it's this guy. I don't know what would be grosser.

I don't know where they are now, but I like to imagine them all still under one roof, no one going to school, no one bettering themselves, just a group of guys drinking Red Bull, listening to metal, smoking up a storm and playing RPGs. Fuckin' A.


Anonymous said...

"I think Bryan Ferry's Mom described him as looking like if Jesus was a pedophile. I feel like I'm going to Hell for typing that. He had long hair, a scraggly goatee and big glasses as well. And I think he wore a vampire cape once. I hope it was on Halloween."



ryanprows said...

Okay, I'm starting to remember these people, which is frightening. It's funny how they all jumble together into one big gross nerd ball (kind of like Pee-Wee's giant aluminum foil ball?) until you mention a specific trait like the glasses, scraggily goatee, and cape look.

Seethe Rogers said...

Yeah I noticed that, too. Except slowly things are coming back to me. Look for an entry on that morbidly obese kid with no knees in the future! Remember how Sarcastro, or "Baby Huey" as your old buddy used to call him had a soft spot for him? Of all the people for that guy to like...

IAMFeAR7 said...

Kid Rock sucks.

Obese kid with no knees?
When I was working at the convenience store, one of my customer was a chubby girl with no neck. She actually looked like there was 4 inches of spine missing under her skull.

Bryan Ferry's Mom said...

I think I described a bunch of the folks that gravitated to the comic shop as pedophiles. There's just something creepy about unkempt older men playing Pokemon, Hero Clix, etc. with young kids that they aren't related to.

The teen modeling camp I run is a class act that those guys could learn a thing or two from.

I kid, I kid.

Anyhow, I think a better way to assess geek/fanboy intelligence is to consider a combination of personal hygiene and his/her ability to talk about something other than comics. When a conversation starts with "you know that time Wolverine stabbed Sabretooth with his that was baaadaaaassssss", find an excuse to walk away (especially if you're already breathing in a cloud of ammonia compound ridden BO).

And as always, I'm lovin' the blog!